I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
