Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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