She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
