Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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