we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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