I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So much rum. So many feels.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
