ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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