how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
