I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
