So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
