YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
