Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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