what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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