you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
