I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
