Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We left the knife in your bed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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