Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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