i permit you to call me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
