im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm just crazy horny about you
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
