My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
