Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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