It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
