i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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