you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
