U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
