i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
