i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
