didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
