I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
