I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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