also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I believe in your delicious
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
