We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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