omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
