it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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