$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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