haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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