My first STD was from a foam party
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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