What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
