Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
