8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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