Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
