some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
