We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
