Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
