This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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