Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
