The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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