I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
