If that was your dad, he is hot
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
