Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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