I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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