I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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